Whatโs a fuckยญet list?
A fuckยญet list is the opposยญite of a buckยญet list. And this is my list.
Now, accordยญing to Urban Dictionary, it could also be a spelt fuckยญit list and refer to a list of people to have sexuยญal interยญcourse with before you die. This list is not that type of list.
A fuckยญet list, in the most comยญmon interยญpretยญaยญtion, is a list of all the things you donโt want to do before you die.
The rules of a fuckยญet list are simple:
Here we go:
My Fucket List
1. Jump Out of a Functional Aeroplane
As an introยญvert, rather than paraยญchutยญing, I prefer to throw myself into the abyss of litยญerยญatยญureโโโor someยญthing equally preยญtenยญtious. Why? I donโt sufยญfer from dopamยญine defiยญciency, I guess. I get my kicks from internยญal stimuli.
2. Buy Stuff To Show Off
Possessions tend to wear you down, and they could end up ownยญing you instead. We should all work on ourselves instead of โchasยญing cars and clothes and buyยญing shit we donโt need.โ 1Like many men of the Xennial genยญerยญaยญtion (I was born in 1979), my spirยญit animยญal is Tyler Durden, the everyยญman charยญacยญter from Chuck Palachniukโs novยญel โFight Clubโ which was made into a โฆ Continue readยญing
3. Run a Marathon
There must be healthยญiยญer ways to get likes on Facebook than runยญning a maraยญthon. Itโs a hard pass from me.
4. Climb a Mountain
I canโt imaยญgine what type of busiยญness I would have on the top of a mounยญtain. Iโm pasยญsionยญate about nature phoยญtoยญgraphy, but I get verยญtigo. So, Iโm out if it requires climbยญing gear and you canโt get the shot with a drone.
5. โFit Inโ
I love hard-workยญing people. But people workยญing hard to โfit inโ rub me the wrong way. I get anxious around them; what on Earth are they comยญpensยญatยญing for? I prefer to walk roads less travยญelled anyway.
6. Try Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation
Vanilla sex is under-appreยญciยญated, I think, but a few experยญiยญments here and there are fine and dandy. Nothing wrong with some naughty explorยญaยญtions. But brains need oxyยญgen, right? Please tell me if Iโm missยญing someยญthing here.
7. Geocaching
Iโm geeky, sure. But not that geeky. I did play Pokemon Go for a stint; that should be enough runยญning around for no sensยญible reasยญon whatsoever.
8. Join the โMile High Clubโ
This just in: Itโs not sexy to have interยญcourse where strangers defecยญate. Unless youโre into faeยญces and stuff, I guess. But even if you could manยญage to have a good time anyยญway, I see no accomยญplishยญment in bragยญging about the whole ordeal.
9. Sleep at a Cheap Hostel
Iโm the type of perยญson who would spend his last penny on an expensยญive hotel. I nevยญer saw the romantic appeal of traยญversยญing counยญtries while livยญing like a hobo. Or (much) worseโโโlike a woke milยญlenยญniยญal chasยญing some cheeky โtravel influยญenยญcerโ dream. Also, Iโve seen all the horยญror movies; I know what happens.
10. Go Bungee Jumping
Bungee jumpยญing is perยญhaps thrillยญing and might come with some sense of accomยญplishยญment, but Iโll nevยญer accept that itโs โcool.โ Iโm also wary about those โexpert bunยญgee jumpยญersโ hookยญing you up to the ropeโโโarenโt securยญity proยญtoยญcols out of their wheelยญhouse, as theyโre lackยญing some highly useยญful perยญcentยญages on the conยญscienยญtious perยญsonยญalยญity trait axis?
11. Ask For a Celebrity Autograph
I honยญestly wouldnโt know what to do with a celebrity autoยญgraph. Take it out and look at it from time to time, perยญhaps. Sell it on eBay? Nah, none of thatโs for me. I can fully appreยญciยญate anothยญer personโs work without havยญing โa lock of their hairโ or someยญthing to that effect. I find askยญing for an autoยญgraph borยญderยญline creepy, honยญestly. 2This is also the reasยญon why I nevยญer buy souvenยญirs. Souvenirs are for seriยญal killers and hoarders.
12. Respect Religious โAuthorityโ
I accept being an atheยญist in a world domยญinยญated by superยญstiยญtious beliefs. But I think we, as a rationยญal cohort absent of reliยญgiยญosยญity, are morยญally obliged to chalยญlenge unsubยญstanยญtiยญated claimsโโโeven if itโs mostly a waste of time.
13. Swim with Sharks
I feel no desire to swim with sharks. I know theyโre peaceยญful, and you can swim with them safelyโโโif the conยญdiยญtions are right. They keep out of my livยญing room, so it makes sense for me to stay out of theirs.
14. See a Psychic for Answers
Some see psychยญics for answers, some for exciteยญment, some for curiยญosยญity, and othยญers for a laugh with friends. I get all of that. But I canโt bring myself to incentivยญise such shenanigans. Or put it like this: Iโm open-minded enough to believe that our natยญurยญal world is unfathomยญably comยญplex and extraordinยญarยญily beauยญtiยญfulโโโwithout resortยญing to seekยญing anothยญer personโs future in tea leaves.
15. Be a Toastmaster
Iโm a decent pubยญlic speakยญer and have no probยญlem getยญting up in front of an audiยญence. Still, thereโs someยญthing about cereยญmoยญniยญal duties that makes my skin crawl. I canโt even proยญpose a formยญal toast without feelยญing overยญwhelmยญingly cringy.
16. Play Golf
My temยญper could nevยญer handle golf. Iโm calm as a cucumยญber in life (a DNA mix from the North of Sweden will have that effect) but a hotยญhead in sports (think of John McEnroe, and youโll get an idea). I do have a hisยญtory of wreakยญing havยญoc on expensยญive sports equipยญment, Iโm ashamed to admit. Iโm conยญvinced that golf would โdriveโ me insane.
17. Run for a Political Office
Iโm an introยญverยญted proยญvocateur and ironยญic conยญtrariยญan with a proยญnounced elitยญist streak. If everyยญone gets along, Iโm comยญpelled to stir someยญthing up, or Iโll get bored out of my senses. Alas, Iโm not harยญbourยญing a mix of the most suitยญable perยญsonยญalยญity traits for pubยญlic office. Sure, weโve all seen worse, but still.
19. Hang Out with Wine Snobs
I donโt want to conยญsort with indiยญviduยญals who โknow about wine.โ Theyโre not my kind of people with their gurgยญling, burbling, and spitยญting. โNotes of cilยญantro and burnt rubยญberโ? Fuck you. Also, I donโt drink alcohol.
20. Join a Cult
Cults are out of the quesยญtion for meโโโIโm just not a very good folยญlowยญer. Whenever more than five people seem eager to agree with each othยญer, the hairs on my arms stand up.
22. Join a Studio Crowd
Who are these people? They scare me. Itโs someยญthing about their smiles and their dead eyes, I think. My worst nightยญmare is findยญing myself in a limยญinยญal space, a maze of cubicles and chirpยญing dial-up modems interยญconยญnecยญted by yelยญlow-carยญpeted corยญridors and flickยญerยญing fluorยญesยญcent lights, as a cheerยญful stuยญdio audiยญence is chasยญing me around. Donโt. Let. Them. Catch. Me.
23. Keep Up with the Kardashians
The Kardashian famยญily is a media pheยญnomenยญon. As a PR proยญfesยญsionยญal, I should be interยญested in all media pheยญnomยญena, but I canโt muster up the willยญpower to sit through one of their episodes.
Whatโs on your fuckยญet list?
Thank you. Please supยญport my blog by sharยญing artยญicles with othยญer comยญmuยญnicยญaยญtions- and marยญketยญing proยญfesยญsionยญals. Please also conยญsider my PR serยญvices or speakยญing engageยญments.
Annotations
1 | Like many men of the Xennial genยญerยญaยญtion (I was born in 1979), my spirยญit animยญal is Tyler Durden, the everyยญman charยญacยญter from Chuck Palachniukโs novยญel โFight Clubโ which was made into a sucยญcessยญful movie dirยญecยญted by David Fincher in 1999. |
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2 | This is also the reasยญon why I nevยญer buy souvenยญirs. Souvenirs are for seriยญal killers and hoarders. |